Thursday, January 19, 2006

They Hide in Plain Sight: Canadians!


Do you want the freedom to wear fabulous apparel while lunching at Cipriani during Fashion Week, or do you want this?

The Canuck strategy isn't a secret, America just won't believe. Read this entry from Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns. Oh yes- geese poop in California- funny stuff. Just a big joke from the Great White North, eh? But the blight's already here in NYC.

Samantha claims she warned US about the Canadian invasion. Oh, I remember it differently, my tocque-wearing pal.

The forces of the Canadian spearhead still walk among us, hidden except for their kooky pronunciation of "about" and "sorry", the latter heard more plentifully due to their fanatic courtesies. Decades ago, it was Rush and even Triumph. Do you have any idea how many songs I know by heart?! They programmed me! I should have guessed so much earlier, since I don't know how else to explain Peart's lyrics.

After we wised up to the musical infiltration, they started with the comedy. SCTV? Calculated subversion. John Candy's threat was neutralized in a tragic contretemps that degraded all involved, but don't even get me started on Mike Myers and his "dual citizenship." We laugh and laugh while he acclimates us to to the corrupt, tartan-scented voices of our captors. Soon we'll be on our knees begging for rations of water and shortbread.

Who else is icing her way beneath the radar? Catherine O'Hara.
Tremendous television career and over 50 movies! That makes us safe? I call it saturated. Here are key excerpts I've rearranged from her bigraphical trivia on imdb:

Became a U.S. citizen.
Owns a cottage... in Muskoka, Ontario. (What do you need that for, Yankee? Debriefing?)
Catherine O'Hara has an almost religious cult following around the world.

I don't make it up. I just report.

And they're targeting our children. Look at Tuesday's menu for Memorial school if you want to see an entry to curdle your blood. French toast and maple syrup? It's not even lunch food! It's an indoctrination of innocent children by our enemies.

But we're not alone. The Canadians are even attacking their brethren under monarchy. Because English don't eat solid food, they're having to sneak the maple syrup into their beer. Read Kamini Dickie's comments about insinuating such perversions into a dessert pairing with our beloved apple pie ! I want to puke and weep at the same time.

Please, for the love of cuisine more complex than mere doughnutry, wake up, America!

2 comments:

Sam said...

LOL.

These days, we've restarted our musical mission with Celine Dion and Barenaked Ladies.

And, oh yes, it will get worse.

When will the bad Canadian music stop???

And, we've attacked presently with comedians like Jim Carrey, who was awesome, but once "IN", he's not so funny anymore (to me anyhow). It's because we hit you guys with another bomb, a comedy bomb.

Gribbit said...

Oh and don't forget the introduction of mayonnaise on hamburgers. Wendy's, Burger King, Hardy's/Carl's Jr, and all the other major burger chains have more sandwiches on the menu with mayonnaise than without.