Thursday, January 19, 2006
They Hide in Plain Sight: Canadians!
Do you want the freedom to wear fabulous apparel while lunching at Cipriani during Fashion Week, or do you want this?
The Canuck strategy isn't a secret, America just won't believe. Read this entry from Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns. Oh yes- geese poop in California- funny stuff. Just a big joke from the Great White North, eh? But the blight's already here in NYC.
Samantha claims she warned US about the Canadian invasion. Oh, I remember it differently, my tocque-wearing pal.
The forces of the Canadian spearhead still walk among us, hidden except for their kooky pronunciation of "about" and "sorry", the latter heard more plentifully due to their fanatic courtesies. Decades ago, it was Rush and even Triumph. Do you have any idea how many songs I know by heart?! They programmed me! I should have guessed so much earlier, since I don't know how else to explain Peart's lyrics.
After we wised up to the musical infiltration, they started with the comedy. SCTV? Calculated subversion. John Candy's threat was neutralized in a tragic contretemps that degraded all involved, but don't even get me started on Mike Myers and his "dual citizenship." We laugh and laugh while he acclimates us to to the corrupt, tartan-scented voices of our captors. Soon we'll be on our knees begging for rations of water and shortbread.
Who else is icing her way beneath the radar? Catherine O'Hara.
Tremendous television career and over 50 movies! That makes us safe? I call it saturated. Here are key excerpts I've rearranged from her bigraphical trivia on imdb:
Became a U.S. citizen.
Owns a cottage... in Muskoka, Ontario. (What do you need that for, Yankee? Debriefing?)
Catherine O'Hara has an almost religious cult following around the world.
I don't make it up. I just report.
And they're targeting our children. Look at Tuesday's menu for Memorial school if you want to see an entry to curdle your blood. French toast and maple syrup? It's not even lunch food! It's an indoctrination of innocent children by our enemies.
But we're not alone. The Canadians are even attacking their brethren under monarchy. Because English don't eat solid food, they're having to sneak the maple syrup into their beer. Read Kamini Dickie's comments about insinuating such perversions into a dessert pairing with our beloved apple pie ! I want to puke and weep at the same time.
Please, for the love of cuisine more complex than mere doughnutry, wake up, America!