Thursday, March 23, 2006

To Drink, You Ask? Allow Me to Consult My Flip Chart...
















Images via BGP site. And, if these graphics don't make it all clear as mud, there's no hope for ye. Just print for reference, and tuck next to your food pyramid, deal-a-meal, and calorie calculator.

Yes, there is another new and bossy org in town, the amazingly named Beverage Guidance Panel. Yes, they're finger-pointing at you, fatty. Yes, they've created more Byzantine schema to provide what they view as long-needed guidance. And yes, they'd simply love to be allowed to oversee- and dare I suggest-dictate what you drink.
From Jon Robison's TCS article on the subject (emphases mine):

As with all externally prescribed diets, this one is long on "less ofs" "shouldn'ts" and "don'ts." Using a graphic of a pitcher instead of the Food Guide Pyramid, the BGS lays out a six-tiered, color-coded, prescriptive approach to determining the daily intake of beverages for Americans... Interestingly, the experts are okay with up to 24 ounces of beer a day for men; considerably more than the permitted 16 ounces of skim milk; and three times the permitted amount of fruit juice allowed...

There are six different levels of beverages. Appropriate quantities for individuals are based not only on their color code, but also on recommended portion sizes. And these portion sizes are based on each individual's percentage of daily caloric requirements (10-15% of total calories). Furthermore, the liberal recommendations for tea and coffee consumption have to be tempered by the amount of caffeine ingested (no more than 400 milligrams per day). Finally, to make matters even more complex, there are actually two sets of guidelines (two separate pitchers) one for suggested beverage consumption and one for acceptable beverage consumption, each with different recommendations for the various levels...

Perhaps one solution the government should consider is mandating that the new BGS be installed on all refrigerators sold to the public. All liquids would be dispensed from an onboard, factory-installed, carefully monitored and computer-controlled central brain. Consumers could either punch in their projected caloric intake for the day or have it implanted in radio frequency identification devices in their hands that would communicate their biometrics to the refrigerator in order to make specific beverage requests...

At lunch, your [you-sic] might ask for a tall glass of milk with your sandwich, and your fridge could respond: "Sorry, (dear), you already used up half your milk quota with your cereal this morning. How about a tall glass of water, or perhaps a can of beer?"

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