Hutch My Mustard, Kitty

See item 2 for image link.

1) In an update to my previous competitive eating post, by now you've probably heard that Kobayashi, fired up by serious competition, reached a new personal best and retained the mustard belt, setting a new record for the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.

2) To quote April, the bummedest Bummer Girl, upon sending me the link to the cat tailor, "Jebus H. Chriminy." Indeed, pal, and you can sew one yourself. Scroll down the page for more freaked-looking cats and their refreshing lace collars here. Am I sick for really enjoying the nefariously upbeat tone of the descriptions? It's authoritatively perky but weird, like Betty White playing "Happy Homemaker" Sue Anne Nivens after a peyote binge.

3) If fanfiction weren't enough of an odd phenomenon (full disclosure: in junior-high, I wrote Battlestar Galactica fanfic, but a friend made me do it), what about fetishist fanfic? Lee Goldberg -- accidentally and innocently, I'm sure-- discovered the hurt/comfort brand of S&M prose where pain is snuggled away. But in this case, it's Starsky kissing Hutch's tears. You must read the excerpts. Full-body shakedowns guaranteed to be necessary. But I cannot and will not Huggy Bear this alone.