Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Leeches, Spiders, Snails, and Sponges

He came from here and belongs to Arthropoda.

Okay, I hoped it would seem I was covering new topic areas, instead of piling more onto my recent posts about fear and brains, brains, brains, not to mention my ubiquitous, scrivenocentric items. So, today I'm listing by alphabetized phylum for variety's sake and to avoid confusion with the embedded, numbered list.

Phylum Annelida: Another voice asking for calm in the face of the pandemic possibilities.

Phylum Arthropoda: Women can read road maps, as long as Aunt Flo is also a passenger. More from the wacky world of hormonal brain alteration.

Phylum Mollusca: If you're a writer parched of ideas for crazy plot twists, take these true-life, tragic amazements of the unfortunate and iniquitous for inspiration. However, be warned that some might argue these stories are too outrageous to sell as fiction.

- Indian man with epilepsy spends 54 years institutionalized as insane.

- Gamine woman in pink, child-sized clothes with a happy-faced flower tattoo (perhaps a Daisy?) is beaten to death and left near the entrance to Lands End, the historic residence and likely real-life inspiration for the setting of Fitzgerald's Great Gatsby.

- 8 year-old boy lifts a stash of weed from his stoned Uncle Albert to show off to his classmates on a field trip to the Natural History Museum. We're so sorry...

- Jesuit priest accused of raping a Native Alaskan woman resulting in a bastard son. Twice.

-California Judge declares mistrial for woman accused of murdering her psychiatrist husband after her defense attorney's wife is murdered.

Phylum Porifera: According to Agent Kate, here are some plot starters she wishes never to receive:

1. Hurricane Katrina. Sorry Folks. Not Yet. The only good 9/11 books didn't come out until this year. Give it time.
2. Grieving spouses. Yes, I am a heartless bitch.
3. Paranormal Romance. You won't BELIEVE how many queries I get containing these two words a week.
4. Religious Conspiracy. The Da Vinci Code is so over.
5. Any detective formerly or currently working for the FBI, CIA, local, regional, or federal police, or in private practice. Why can't normal people solve murders? Butchers. More butchers should solve murders. Just think of the suspense.
6. Any work of fiction or non-fiction primarily written in letter form.
7. Fiction with a billion different narrators. Pick one and commit, people.Please take note.

I had to laugh and sigh, because the short story I'm working on contains three of these defects, one of which is a requirement for the anthology. I still think it could be darned fine, my best yet even. Thanks to the Grumpy Old Bookman for referring me, and read his post's comment by Francis Ellen for an embittered writer's bite back.

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