Friday, May 05, 2006

Treat the Dog Right, Pick the Best Kitten

1) For all my whining about missing The Daily Kitten, I was remarkably remiss in reporting its return. Earless Vinnie (above) was the first one I saw when it came back. To TDK's credit, they did change the verbiage on their blank screen of despond so I felt they actually were only temporarily gone. E voila! They are back and I'm better for it. Stuff on My Cat, Cats in Sinks, Kitten War, and Cute Overload are all good, but they don't equally soothe my furrowed, hateful brow.

2) For the heretics, Cecil explains why there's no ketchup on a proper hot dog.

3) For authors like Lauren Weisberger and Augusten Burroughs who memoir their way to fame and fortune, what happens when they run out of their best stories before the end of their book contracts? I like making stuff up myself, but I've never claimed to write even a woozy version of the truth. Read the NYT Burroughs piece fast- it's screaming into the pay hole by Monday.

4) Many writers have recently been inspired to use name and word constructions from spam e-mail to enliven their prose. I submit that none of those assembled accidents can compare with the serendipitous and tender beauty of the following description of a keyboard cover (read it all at apostropher) translated for the Hua Zheng Silicone Manufacture Factory. I liberally excerpt:

...All seal completely the design, watertightness, dust palliative, defend the oil, defend the sour alkali...

...pound without the voice, can make the complete mute, not afraid influence family sleeping.

Return to flexibility goodly, touch soft comfort, the hand feeling benignity...

...Diverse sex of color...well received by vast computer favored deeply by the masses of consumers.

This is all I want in life. To be dust palliative, to return to my flexibility goodly, to touch soft comfort, and to be favored deeply for my benignity. Thank you, Hua Zheng for getting me. Nice weekend should be having.

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